1. People always tell me that I look like Kim Fields from the Facts of Life.
2. In the movie based on my life, there would only be characters based on the voices in my head and they'd all have theme music.
3. Typically, I end up regretting my daughters plum organics because I poop like crazy from it.
4. I always ask to leave off the onion off the burger, extra pickles!
5. Kim and Kanye really need to refer to themselves as Kimye
6. My Parents always reminded me that being told no built character -_-
7. Every single day I wonder if I'm talking in my sleep when I snooze on the train.
8. This one time in College I threw a gallon of water out the window onto students waited at the shuttle bus stop...it was a dare.
9. My grossest habit is chewing food that my daughter half chews (don't judge me)
10. My latest white lie was I told someone their breath stunk because I didn't wanna chat with them...I work in a dental ofc I can say this with out being fired.
11. I know all the words to Coming to America
12. When I grow up I want to be less neurotic
13. Sexy time is waking up at 6am w/stank breath cause you don't want to run the faucet to wake the little.
14. I will never, ever be able be to look at grumpy cat and not see my co-worker
15. I think it's hilarious pop culture is more important that current events.